Rebuilding
by FightAsOne
Summary: At first there was pain. Deep, indescribable pain. And Donnie was slowly getting lost in it. Can his brothers pull him out of the abyss before they become twisted experiments? Adopted from AJB66613
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This is a Donnie-centric story, so if you like him, you're in luck! I personally like Leo fics, but I decided to write this anyway. I adopted the plotbunny from AJB66613, you should check out their stuff. So without further ado, the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any TMNT :-(**

It's been nine hours. Nine excruciatingly long hours since Donny left for the dump and never came back. It was supposed to be a quick garbage run, get there, grab some supplies, and come straight back. There wasn't any reason for it to have taken this long.

Leo was wearing a path in the floor with his continual pacing. After three hours of waiting he had called Donnie to no avail. His first instinct was to run out after him. Even in the unlikely case that he was completely unharmed, Leo chasing after him couldn't really hurt anything. But Donnie had made it perfectly clear that he needed space after everything that was going on. Leo was starting to regret giving it to him.

"Leonardo, you are up rather early this morning." Splinter commented, whiskers twitching slightly. He walked slowly into the room, tail swishing behind him as he trailed out of the shadows.

"I was-," he bit his lip. "Donnie... umm- well I mean, he- well-" Splinter raised a furry eyebrow in impatience.

Leo sucked in a breath, trying to push away his worry and guilt. "He's... gone."

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"He- well he never came back from the dump." Leo shuffled his feet nervously.

"What's goin' on?" A tired voice slurred. Mikey materialized beside his father, looking around tiredly. "Wait, Donnie's not back yet?" He glanced at his older brother in confusion. Leo solemnly shook his head. He could feel dread closing in on his heart, but he tried to remain calm.

"Why didn't you wake us up then?!" Raph leaped over the banister and landed fluidly on the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest. Leo just looked at him sadly. "We have to go look for 'im," he snarled. "Now."

"It's 8 o' clock in the morning, Raph. People will be all over the place." Leo desperately wanted to fly out of the lair, find Donnie, and never let him go out on his own again, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was his job as leader to be logical and level headed at all times. "We could be seen."

"So what!?" Raph exploded in anger. "Donnie could be in trouble, he could have been captured, he could be _dead_ for all we know! And you are seriously worried about us being seen?!" Mikey looked close to tears. He shifted a little closer to Raph before vigorously rubbing his eyes. All traces of exhaustion were long gone by now, replaced by cold fear. Leo opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Splinter.

"You three will track your brother using your phones," he started. Mikey quietly mumbled "shell cells", but was shot down by a stern look from his sensei. "If you are unable to locate him, you will go out and search. Remember, time is of the essence." The three turtles nodded and immediately got to work, determination lacing their every movement. They had already agreed without a single word being spoken. They would find their missing brother. No matter what it took.

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Donnie awoke with a groan. He attempted to sit up, but was stopped by a thick strap across his chest. Instantly, the cobwebs cleared and he was struggling to get away, tugging on the wrist and legs restrains, but they didn't budge. His panicked eyes flickered around, trying to figure out where he was, but he already knew he had never been here before. The walls and ceiling were too white, the lights were too blindingly bright, and the air reeked of bleach and hand sanitizer. He shuddered involuntarily. Was that, blood on the wall? His panicked escape attempts suddenly became ten times more frantic. Where was he? How did he get here? All he remembered was heading to the dump and then...

"I see you're awake turtle." A tall man strode confidently into the room, metal plated armor clinking as he emerged from the only shadowy corner. "Then I suppose it's time for the fun to begin."

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Um.. sorry I took so long. I'm pretty busy, but yeah. Also, sorry this is so short, I mean, it's longer than the first chapter, but, yeah... Thank you so much to everyone who favorited, followed, and/or reviewed. I appreciate every single person who reads this so thank you so much!**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine.**

It wasn't uncommon for one of them to get into trouble. They were teenagers for crying out loud! But Donnie was the most cautious of the four, and he would never stay out this long if he could help it. Especially with his T-phone turned off. He was annoying as heck, but he's not a moron.

Raph skidded to a stop at the edge of a rooftop and doubled over, trying to get his breathing under control. They had decided to split up to cover more ground, but had yet to find any sign of Donnie. They had already searched the entire junkyard. Not even a piece of paper out of place. There was no sign of a scuffle, no blood, nothing. And they still had no clue where he was. He couldn't BELIEVE Leo hadn't woken them up earlier. What would make him think for even a SECOND that leaving Donnie out there- ALONE- was a good idea?

Red hot rage had his vision swimming and sent energy surging through him. His older brother might be a complete idiot, but he was not. He was going to find his little brother. And nothing was getting in his way.

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Mikey sighed and grabbed his phone. No Donnie. He had been scouring the docks for hours, checking every warehouse, every loose board. Nothing. He quickly typed out a message and clicked send before he going right back to his search. Tears brimmed in his baby blue eyes. Nothing was going right. But he had faith. Faith that they would get through it together. Just like they always did.

 _We'll find you Donnie. No matter what it takes._

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Leo skidded to a halt in front of yet another dead end. ' _Dang it_ ' he snarled to himself. Another dead end, another blank alley way, another failure. As Leo mentally chided himself for once again going down the wrong street, his phone beeped with an incoming message. Apparently Mikey was having the same luck he was. Leo scaled a fire escape and leaped to the roofs. They still hadn't found a single trace of Donnie, even after hours of searching. It seemed hopeless. But he knew he couldn't give up. It was his fault he was missing anyways. If he had just gone after him earlier...

He shook his head sharply. It didn't matter whose fault it was. Not right now. All that mattered was finding Donnie. Nothing. Else.

Leo set his jaw and pushed himself to run faster. He messed up, and it was his job to find his brother.

Yet all three of the turtles failed to notice the shadowy figures trailing behind them and the glowing red eyes watching their every step.

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Donnie squirmed in his restraints. "I will NEVER serve you," he hissed fervently, raising his chin in defiance. He was shaking as he overworked his tired muscles in a desperate attempt to escape. His captor only grinned.

"We'll see."

And Donnie's world erupted into pain. It was like fire burning across every inch of his body, killing him. Dying. He was dying, he couldn't breath, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but scream his throat raw. His back arched involuntarily as he pulled against the thick leather straps. His eyes were squeezed shut against the blindingly overwhelming pain. He couldn't focus, couldn't think. His throat burned from screaming, but he couldn't feel it through the scorching fire that was consuming his body. He couldn't hear anything but his heart pounding in his ears, drowning out his cries of protest.

And then was over. Nothing but his ragged breaths and the laughter of the monster before him. He struggled to pull air into his lungs, and his muscles were still seizing. The residential pain washed over him and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. He could see the Shredder's sadistic smile, even through the tears in his eyes. He responded with the best glare he could manage, staring straight into the cold, dead eyes of Oroku Saki.

"Still feeling tough, turtle?" He asked. Donnie decided it was probably a rhetorical question. He wasn't strong enough to form a response anyway, so he just deepened his glare, trying to put all of his burning hate into it. His chest was still heaving, desperately trying to make up for the loss of oxygen.

"You could be very helpful to me, turtle. All you have to do is say the word and all of this pain," the man paused, leaning in closer to Donnie's face, "could stop."

"Like shell!" Donnie spat, still gasping for breath. His normally gentle, caring brown eyes were filled with fear and pain. And hatred. Shredder took a step closer, pressing his gauntlet against the turtle's neck.

"I was hoping you'd say that. It'll be a lot more fun breaking you." With that, the man sneered maliciously and turned on his heel, sauntering confidently out of the room. Donnie stared after him, confused and still struggling to pull in air, before electricity once more surged through his body, and he succumbed to unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: It's been like, a week. I still don't own them.**

 **Warning: This does contain torture. If that makes you uncomfortable please don't read the last bit.**

Clouds drifted lazily across the gray sky, as if there wasn't anything in the world urgent enough to care about. But there was. Three-toed feet pounded heavily against the rooftops. Colored bandanas whipped through the wind; red, blue, and orange. Toned muscles bunched together, propelling the three shadows across the rooftops. Their breaths were quiet and even, despite the fact that they had been running for hours. Searching for hours.

Leo skidded to a stop. All his senses were screaming at him, but he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. He glanced around cautiously as he slowly pulled his katanas from their sheaths, with his brothers quickly following suit. A simple shift in the shadows was all they needed. In an instant, shurikens were flying, the sounds of metal clanging against metal and the dull thunk of wood hitting flesh echoed across the rooftop. Other than that, it was silent. No taunting laughter, no mocking jeers, nothing.

Leo grunted as a kick caught him in the side, throwing off his balance. They were one brother short, and the Foot were taking advantage of that. Yet they were still no match for even one of the turtles, and were quickly being subdued. Raphael didn't bother holding back, and blood was flowing freely across the rooftop, gushing out of. It wasn't long before there was only one ninja left standing, his eyes wide as he stared at the turtles. He obviously hadn't been expecting them to beat his team so easily.

"I-I surrender! P-Please I have a family!" He kneeled trembling on the filthy roof, covered in the blood of his comrades. Raph snarled and raised his sai for the killing blow.

"Wait," Raph froze with his arm still in the air. Leo stalked towards the two. Grabbing the ninja by his shirt, Leo slammed him against the wall. " I have a better idea."

A feral grin made its way onto Raphael's face. He cracked his knuckles and slowly approached the cowering ninja. "I like the way you think, O' Fearless one."

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Donny snapped awake as freezing cold water hit his body.

"Wake up, freak. Master Shredder has big plans for you." Chris Bradford stood over the shivering turtle, tapping his foot impatiently. Donnie struggled to his feet. His hands were cuffed together, to keep him from fighting back most likely. Not like he was in any condition to.

He was roughly shoved forward, stumbling over his own feet, and lead through a long, dark hallway. Cell doors lined the walls, mostly empty, but some held filthy, almost unrecognizable people and mutants. A few had nothing but skeletons. Blood ran in between the bars, creeping into the center of the hall. Water dripped from leaky pipes they had never bothered to fix, creating a steady tapping sound.

They came to the end of the hallway, where a single elevator stood waiting, its silver, shiny doors contrasted against dirty concrete walls of the dungeon. Bradford pushed a button and the doors immediately opened.

"Get in," he snapped. Donny had no choice but to do as he said. The instant the doors closed they were moving. Donny glanced over at Bradford, who only sneered back. Wherever they were going, it couldn't be good.

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Raph struggled to keep up with the other two as they raced across the rooftops. He was never as fast as Leo or as nimble as Mikey, something he was currently cursing the heavens for.

"Are you sure he was tellin' the truth Leo?" He practically had to shout to be heard over the wind.

"Well we don't have much of a choice do we?" As always, Leo sounded perfectly calm, he wasn't even out of breath. Raph couldn't form a response. Leo was right. This was the only lead they had and they'd have to be stupid to ignore it.

Raph couldn't help but pause and think about how hectic their lives had become. It couldn't have been more than a few months ago that they took their first steps onto the surface, awed by the lights and intrigued by the simplest things. When had it all gone wrong? Why did _they_ have to get caught in the feud between their clans? Why did _Donnie_ have to get hurt because of it? He was so sweet and gentle and _innocent_. He still stuttered when he talked to his crush. He deserved so much more. He deserved to be _happy_.

With a sigh, Raph forced his legs to pump faster, and with a burst of speed, he narrowed the gap between him and his brothers. _We're comin' for ya little brother._

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Donnie grunted as he was forced to his knees in the center of a small, musty room. His eyes were narrowed into slits of fury in a futile attempt at hiding his terror. Snickers and low chatter drifted from the sides of the room, where a collection of soldiers stood waiting with their masks off. A couple of them seemed to pity him, but a vast majority were either taunting him or outright refusing to acknowledge his presence.

He hated all of them.

Metal plated armor clattered behind him. Donnie wanted to look back, but Bradford's rough hands held him still. He squirmed in the tight grip but otherwise did nothing to try to get away. It wouldn't end well.

Gloved fingers brushed against his shoulder. He flinched away with a quiet gasp, but stilled when the hands tightened. His stomach churned as the fingers returned running down his shoulder and rubbing circles on his arm.

"Hello beautiful," Saki's warm breath brushed uncomfortably against his exposed skin.

Suddenly the hands were gone. The ropes around his wrists were cut in one smooth stroke and he was... free?

Donnie spun around, falling backwards in his haste. Shredder was grinning maliciously at him. A lump of panic rose in his throat.

Bradford wasted no time in grabbing the turtle, who made no move to defy him, and dragging his body to the wall. Chains fastened his arms and legs to the slimy stone wall. The whispering got louder.

Shredder stepped forward. There was a lanky man beside him, pushing a cart that seriously needed to be oiled. "Donatello," he drawled. "You are the smartest of your brothers, yes." The Shredder's smile only grew when Donnie's lips drew back in a snarl. "I would assume you know what this does?" He lifted a contraption off the cart. Donnie was beginning to wish he hadn't read that book on mid evil torture.

Saki seemed to have read his mind. "You haven't been talking much anyway." Donnie's lips clamped together in a tight line as the devise drew closer to his face, earning laughter from around the room.

The cold metal was pressed against his lips now, sending a wave of panic through Donnie's mind. He was terrified. Terrified of the tongue tearer, of Bradford's calloused hands, and most importantly his _complete_ and _utter_ loss of control. There was absolutely _nothing_ he could do to protect himself. Tears bubbled in his eyes as he pressed himself as firmly against the wall as possible.

Donnie didn't even notice that the sharp metal was gone until he heard the quiet clink of someone setting it down on the cart. He opened his misty eyes and stared at his captors in confusion. The skinny guy was clumsily handing something over to The Shredder while struggling to get his trembling hands under control. As they turned towards him, Donnie caught a glimpse of a knife. A huge knife, specifically, with the serrated edge gleaming wickedly in the dim lighting. He sucked in a breath, tears once again building in his eyes. The men's voices faded in and out in the background, pulsing in rhythm with his racing heart. He couldn't breath. As soon as the knife touched his insides froze. This was it. _Say your prayers Donatello 'cause you're as good as dead._

It went in slowly, slicing through the tough layer of protective shell before piercing the skin underneath. Donnie screeched in agony. There was nothing he had ever felt in his life that came anywhere close to the pain he was feeling right now. Saki sawed slowly through his plastron, right down the middle, without even a twinge of remorse. Because why would someone like him give a crap about a mutant freak such as himself.

Blood flowed freely from the wound, gushing out around the knife and staining the stone floor. Tears rolled down his face and dripped off his chin, collecting on the ridge of his plastron. They mixed with his blood, swirling together perfectly and creating beautiful patterns. The crystal red color clashed with his splotchy green legs. _That right there is the color of pain,_ he thought to himself.

Something was pressed against the cut in an attempt to get the bleeding under control. Donnie cried out at the unwanted contact, his torn throat cracking in protest. He couldn't remember the last time he had tasted water.

Donnie drifted in and out of consciousness. They had somehow stopped the bleeding enough to keep him alive. _You can't torture someone that's already dead._ There was shouting and laughing and the chains on his arms were released. Hands grabbed him tight enough to bruise and there was a face directly in front of his own.

"Had enough yet turtle?"

 _Never._


	4. Chapter 4

**As you can probably tell, this is based off the 2012 series. However, Hun in that version is stupid, so this story is going to be using the old Hun. You can imagine whatever you want though, I can't control you.**

 **Warning: Contains mature content. Read at your own risk.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't be here.**

 **Once again, AJB66613's idea...**

A scream ripped its way out of Donnie's throat as he was tossed against the wall. The Shredder stepped towards him, grinning like the madman he was.

"Are you ready to join me yet, freak." He drawled, folding his arms across his metal plated chest.

Donnie struggled onto his hands and knees. "Never." His bloody plastron heaved as he gasped for breath.

"You'll regret that turtle." Donnie had no chance to spew a sarcastic reply as he was dragged from the room. Everything was hazy, he must have hit his head a little bit too hard when he collided with the wall. He could vaguely remember being tossed through a doorway, hands grabbing him, strapping him to a table. He weakly struggled against the thick straps, trying to get away. He heard laughter, accented voices. Everything was happening at once. Noise, color, lights. Someone brushed their hand against his head. More laughter. A prick of a needle, the burning sensation of chemicals being injected in his arm. More voices. His head was pounding like a jackhammer. He couldn't hear or see and _God_ he wished he had some ibuprofen.

He must've blacked out for a minute, because the next thing he knew, it was almost completely silent. The only sound was the water sloshing through pipes in the walls and his own ragged breathing. Donnie tried shifting to look around, but he could only move his head. The rest of his body was completely strapped down. Wait, his legs. His legs were free. Why would these idiots leave a fully trained ninja...

"I see you're awake." A cold voice rang from a dark corner. Donnie drew back as the speaker stepped into the light.

"Hun." He snarled through his teeth. The blond giant grinned, folding his arms across his chest and allowing his eyes to roam up and down the turtle's bound form. There was a strange look in his eye, something Donnie couldn't pinpoint. What was going on? Was he missing something?

Hum grinned. Something was off. Donnie tried to remain calm, figure out what was happening, but it was really hard with Hun staring at him like that. He shifted a little bit, trying to get more comfortable on his table. The intense bruising that covered his body ached in protest, but he ignored them as Hun slowly stalked closer.

"You're sure taking your sweet time now aren't you." Donnie snapped. "Why don't you just skip to the torturing me for information part?!" He wasn't usually this short tempered, but Hun's unusual behavior, along with his aching wounds, were wearing away at his patience. He was starting to wish he had stayed home and played video games with Mikey. Hun however, didn't seemed dazed by his outburst.

"So I was. But if that's how you want to be..." he strode forward, quickly covering the remaining distance between the two. A twisted smirk made its way onto his face as he slowly reached his hand forward and ran his beefy fingers softly down the young teen's cheek. Donny snapped at him. What the hell? Hun's smirk only grew as he reached down and unclasped his pants. Donny's eyes widened. _Oh shell._

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Mikey was unusual quiet as he dashed across the rooftops beside his brothers. His thoughts were on Donatello. The only one who seemed to be able to stand listening to his consistent babble for long periods of time. The one who fixed his games when they were broken. The one who fixed _him_ when he was broken. What were they gonna do if Donnie was hurt real bad? None of them knew how to fix him. None of them had ever bothered learning. They had Donnie for that. Now Mikey was slowly starting to realize they may have taken him for granted.

Raph glanced sideways at their leader. That overconfident _idiot_ was _so sure_ that the foot soldier was telling the truth about the whereabouts of their little brother. Not everyone was so honorable, never lying, never doing _anything_ they weren't supposed to. Never breaking rules or _having fun_... If Leo wasn't such a stick in the mud, Donny probably wouldn't have even left the Lair in the first place. Gosh, he couldn't believe Leo was actually annoying enough to get their sweet, innocent, pacifist little brother captured. Well, he could, but that wasn't the point. The point was, if anyone laid a finger on his brother, Leo was gonna get it.

A part of him knew that his anger was completely misplaced, but it felt nice to have someone to blame for everything. A safety net. Somewhere he could vent all his anger at if anything went wrong, if they couldn't get to their brother on time. There was always someone to blame.

Leo leapt over yet another building. Why the shell did their only lead have to be _so far_ _away_. His hands clenched into fists in frustration. Donny was his best friend, his support, and he was probably the most important member of the team- not that Leo would tell the others that. But in all honesty, there probably wouldn't even be a team if it wasn't for Donny. They would have frozen to death in the sewers years ago. Or died from injuries none of them knew how to treat. And whenever it seemed the team was falling apart, when someone was dying on the inside, whenever they needed him, Donny was always there for them. And now it was their turn to be there for him.

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Donnie bit his lip to keep from crying out as Hun thrusted roughly into him. Again, and again, and again. Tears streamed down his face, only to be licked off his jawline by his captor. He tried kicking out, but there was no point. He knew it. There was no getting out of this one. Why weren't his brothers coming for him? Didn't they care? Didn't they love him? Of course they did, they were probably on their way right now. They probably couldn't wait to get him back.

 _Keep telling yourself that._

Donnie snorted lightly. Why would they love him? He was useless. He allowed himself to be captured, and violated. Leo was going to hate him when he found out. He wouldn't have any honor. Leo loved honor so much. Leo _lived_ for his precious honor...

Donnie was snapped out of his thoughts as Hun cried out in ecstasy, smacking their bodies together. He cringed, trying to block out the sounds, the _feelings_. Every movement sent waves of pain through Donny's body, every thrust crushed his body against his table, he could hear the screech of his shell against the cold metal. A rough kiss from Hun slammed his head against the hard surface, and he couldn't suppress a scream. He could feel Hun's tongue against his, running along his teeth. Hands pressed against the soft skin on his sides and hips hard enough to bruise. How did any of this happen? He was just trying to gather some simple supplies...

A weak whimper escaped his lips, earning a smirk from Hun. "You- you're so _tight_ ," he moaned, speeding up his thrusts. Donnie whimpered again, and closed his eyes. Tears covered his bruised and bloody face, and he could hardly breath through the tight lump in his throat. Hun moaned again, shifting and pulling himself flush against Don's plastron. "So perfect." Donnie shuddered as Hun came into him. A wet uncomfortable feeling settled in his gut. He didn't open his eyes, even as he felt Hun get off of him, and heard him putting his clothes back on. He didn't open his eyes, long after Hun's echoing footsteps and sick laughter were gone, the door closed behind him. Hun's scent lingered in the room, on his body. He couldn't stand it. Blood trickled out from between his legs. He shuddered again and pulled them closer to his chest. _Why?_

 **Done! I'm sorry this is so short, but I'm gonna be leaving for a week with no electronics whatsoever and I didn't want to leave you with nothing. Next chapter we'll see what Shredder actually wants with Donnie. Probably.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much to everyone you faved, followed, or reviewed. I really appreciate your support.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know by now, the TMNT are not mine.**

Donnie stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He had long since run out of tears. He felt... empty. There was nothing left to feel. Except pain. Real, raw, excruciating pain that burned every inch of his body. He couldn't focus his mind enough to meditate, to contact his brothers so they could find him. Not that he wanted them to find him. Not anymore at least. He was useless. They didn't need to see him like this. Especially not Mikey. Mikey was so- so innocent. His vision began to swim as his eyes filled with tears. Why was this happening?! Him and his brothers never did anything to anyone! It was all the their father and his stupid feud!

His eyes narrowed and he growled at the wall. Tears once again poured down his face, dripping off his chin. He watched through fuzzy vision as they ran down his bloody legs and collected in thick, salty puddles on the floor. The bruises on his arms throbbed in sync with his heartbeat, quick and unsteady.

The door slammed open. Donnie didn't even flinch. What was the point? He was as good as dead anyway. Although it wouldn't hurt if his brothers just happened to jump in and save him.

 _They won't._

 _They don't want you._

 _You're **tainted**._

The Shredder stormed into the cell in a furious rage, armor clanging together loud enough to wake the dead. Every step sounded like a gunshot, piercing through the thick air and echoing off the walls. He grabbed Donnie by the rim of his shell and wordlessly dragged him out of the room. He was pulled down a short hallway before they stopped in front of a large, metal door. The Shredder didn't even look at him as he strode into what looked like some kind of lab. It was nothing like his lab at home. A few strange machines lined one wall, with flashing lights and complex looking buttons. A steady beeping noise was barely audible, the background music to the warped version of a place Donnie would have previously called home.

A few foot soldiers materialized out of nowhere and immediately took over, grabbing his arms and dragging him to the center of the room. He was strapped to yet another table, finally earning a reaction. He squirmed and bucked wildly, desperate to get away from the pain he knew came with the cool, smooth metal. Not again. _Please_ not again. He couldn't... couldn't go through _that_ ever again. He would rather die. Please...

"Stockman," Shredder snapped. The fly buzzed over, carrying a circular piece of metal. The Shredder snatched it out of his claw and turned to the still struggling turtle.

"You will get one chance turtle. Tell me where Yoshi is, and I will end your pathetic life fairly painlessly." He spoke through his teeth, annunciating every word.

With every word, Donnie shrunk further into himself. Fear hung around him in a cloud. Even mustering all of his courage, he could only manage a sharp shake of his head. He was vaguely aware of the bitter, metallic tang of blood in his mouth, the slight trembling of his aching muscles, the insistent pain in his midsection. What more could they possibly do to him?

Shredder's eyes narrowed in rage. "Fine. You don't have to tell us. There are other methods of gathering information." Something in his voice sent a sharp slice of fear across Donnie's heart. He curled in on himself, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head away.

Nothing happened.

Donnie cautiously opened one eye, and then the other, turning his head slightly to see better. Saki was just standing there with his arms crossed. The man's calculating gaze bore into him, as if he could see into his very soul. His _tainted_ soul.

Pain ripped through his body in a sudden wave of concentrated agony. He groaned and closed his eyes. Why wouldn't it just _stop_?

After a few more moments of silence, Saki uncrossed his arms and reached forward, pressing something against Donnie's forehead. Stockman's device. "Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot." Donnie could feel the sharp metal digging into his skin, scratching against his skull. Blood began to trickle down his face. But it was still nothing compared to what he had already gone through. And then, it clicked on.

There was an eruption of pain. Like someone was digging through his brain, _drilling_ through his head. Electricity sparked through his body, his head slammed against the table. He screeched. He was screaming his throat raw, _why_ wouldn't it stop? His muscles bulged as he desperately thrashed against the straps, arching his back. He HAD to get away. From the _pain_. He couldn't do it anymore. Tears spilled out of his closed eyelids. It hurt... when-when would it stop!

It felt like hours before the pain slowly subsided. It could have been for all Donnie knew. Highly unlikely though. That much pain for more than a few minutes would have rendered him unconscious.

He became aware of shouting somewhere near him. He flinched away and looked around, trying to figure out what was happening. Two blurry shapes, one much bigger than the other, seemed to be... fighting? No the larger one, Shredder was... what was going on?! Donny moaned and the shouting stopped. A growling voice said something to him but he couldn't quite make out what it was saying. Suddenly he felt the straps holding him loosen. He was free! But the instant he tried to move, take advantage of this golden opportunity, pain took over his body, and he fell back moaning. People were talking around him, he knew. He couldn't make out _anything_. He had never felt more useless in his life. He was _free_ for crying out loud, and he couldn't even move just because of some pain!

Clipped sentences made their way through Donnie's foggy brain.

"Stupid freak..."

"Was only a matter of time..."

"There- closer?"

"I have- chances. Fix- device. Not- it- NOW!"

Donnie flinched again and closed his eyes. It did little to sooth his pounding head. His body was still shaking from whatever that machine had done to him. He felt more than slightly rattled. All he wanted was for it all to stop. Just for a few minutes. He was just so _tired_.

* * *

Unless you were a very highly trained ninja, you wouldn't have been able to hear the small gasp Mikey let out when he saw Donnie's condition for the first time. Unfortunately for him, he was in a room that was _full_ of highly trained ninjas. All eyes were on him, and even though he was cloaked by shadows, he could tell they all knew his exact location. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He bolted.

Mikey was always the fastest of his brothers, even when they were children, and as he got older he got much, much faster. Which definitely came in handy in situations like these. Chris Bradford (aka Rahzar) was built for running. You could see his muscles rippling beneath his dark, dead skin. And his pal Fishface had robot legs, which was extremely unfair. Plus, they had the advantage of actually knowing where they were going.

Mikey rounded yet another corner and came face to face with... a dead end.

"Seriously?! Why do they even have dead ends?"

"To trap intruder freaks like yourself." Mikey spun around and his eyes widened. Rahzar stood at the end of the hallway a sinister grin on his bony muzzle. Beside him, Fishface stood in a battle stance, twirling his butterfly knives. Each looked more than ready to wipe the floor with him.

Mikey chuckled nervously and took a step back. His shell collided with the wall. Gulping frightfully, he plastered a confidant smile on his face and pulled his nunchucks out of his belt.

"Booyakasha!"

* * *

Leo ran a hand down his face in frustration as he watched Mikey dash out the room with Fishface and Rahzar hot on his heels. Raph snorted behind him.

"The little twerp only took two of 'em with 'im."

"It's fine, we can take care of the rest."

"Whatever you say."

Leo rolled his eyes and shuffled forward, preparing to jump. He slowly unsheathed his katanas and glanced over at Raph. Their eyes met, and with a single nod they leapt. And all hell broke loose.

 **I'm sorry the ending sucks. It's the best I could do. All reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Mikey raced down the halls, eyes wide with panic. Even with Fishface down, he was severely outmatched. His arms pumped madly as he gasped for breath, flinging himself through a doorway into a dark room. Panting, he leaned against a wall, gripping his side. "You can do this Mikey, it's just one guy," he muttered to himself. "And then you can go home with Donnie and eat the greasiest pizza ever made." His breathing gradually slowed and he glanced around, trying to take in his surroundings.

There wasn't much to see, the room was too dark to make out any details. Some kind of filing cabinet was pushed against a wall, and a small desk was crammed in the corner. Nothing that would be especially useful in battle. But as Master Splinter always says, a ninja can hit anything with his weapon. Or wait... was it use anything with his weapon?

"Come on Mikey that doesn't make any sense. You gotta think this stuff through." Talking to himself. Great. Mikey rubbed his tired eyes. He really needed to take a break from the all night movie marathons.

A sniffing sound caught his attention. It was coming from right outside the door.

"I could smell you from a mile away, freak."

Mikey knew he couldn't put this off much longer. He just didn't want to fight the giant, freaky, skeleton dog super mutant. Is that so much of a crime? He slowly let a breath out and tensed his muscles. Grabbing his nunchucks, he slowly turned around and crouched in front of the door, ready. This was it. No backing down.

"For Donnie." Nothing but a single whisper, lost to the darkness of the room. But for Mikey, it was the world. That was his best friend in there, bleeding out onto an experimentation table. And he was willing to do anything to save him. Even if that meant risking his own life, _losing_ his own life. It would be worth it. For Donnie.

"Let's dance."

* * *

Raph glanced sideways at Leo. His older brother was a focused stream of hatred, plowing through the ninjas like a hot knife through butter. It was a drastic change from the usually honorable turtle, always insisting that "killing was a last resort". The Leo here was killing for no reason but to kill. Not that Raph could blame him. Anyone who was willing to stand by and let the Shredder do something like _that_ to an innocent person... they deserved an excruciatingly painful death before being thrown into the darkest pits of hell.

"On your right!" Raph spun around, catching the soldier off guard. "Focus Raphael!"

Right. Focus. Donnie needs you Raph. He fought harder, if that was possible, and the army of pure evil was quickly getting smaller. The stream of ninjas pouring through the door had all but stopped, luckily enough, although he was pretty sure luck had nothing to do with it. They were both pretty worn down and had taken quite a few blows. Blood trickled down Leo's forehead, soaking his mask. It coated the floor, sticky and slippery at the same time.

Nothing as bad as Donnie though. His skin had changed from a beautiful pale green to a black and blue mess, with yellow bruising to crisscrossing his arms and legs. And there was a gaping hole in his arm. Raph could see the white of the bone from halfway across the room. Even the brilliant red blood wasn't enough to cover it up. It stood out. It shouldn't. Bones weren't supposed to show. Ever.

Again, Raph's focus started slipping. But this time, Leo wasn't there to help him. A nunchuck slammed into his left arm, shattering the bone. And there was pain. Raph grunted and ground his teeth, trying to stay on his feet. Luckily, shock and adrenaline quickly took over, dulling it enough that he could continue fighting. One handed.

* * *

April fidgeted in her seat as she waited for the turtles to come back with Donnie. She wasn't a doctor, not even close. She was a teenager. In high school. But seeing as Donnie was the medic in the family, they were going to need someone to take over. And that particular job fell to her. She had been doing as much research as she could while everyone else was out searching, but they had no way of knowing what his captors had done to do, so she had to make do with some general knowledge and vague guesses, and desperately hope it was enough.

Casey turned to look at her from the front. "You okay Red?"

She sighed. "Been better."

"Wow..." Casey forced a grin. "You aren't even gonna correct me?"

April shrugged without looking up. "Doesn't seem to matter much anymore."

Suddenly, the entire foot HQ exploded, sending debris flying everywhere. April and Casey just stared wide eyed at the tower of flames and smoke.

Silence engulfed the two teens, completely oblivious to the screaming people and whirring sirens outside. They watched the remains of the once ominous building breathlessly, hoping to catch just a glimpse of their friends. Just enough to tell if they made it out alive. April stood up, craning her neck to see as far out the tiny car window as possible.

A sudden pounding on the back doors had them both jumping into action. The car engine roared as Casey bumped the gas pedal in his haste to readjust himself for a quick exit.

"Sorry, sorry." He mumbled fervently, struggling to untangle his arms from the seatbelt.

April barely spared a second to glare at him before throwing the doors open to welcome the turtles. Neither of the humans were prepared for the chaos that ensued. Donatello was a bloody mess, cradled in Leo's strong arms. And there was noise. So. Much. Noise. Three anxious voices all shouting over each other at the same time, drowning out everything else.

"April! Donnie-"

"Couldn't do anything-"

"Move shell for brains! This-"

"Never needed-"

"Put him-"

"Zip it you two!"

Leo's command rang through the suddenly still air, conveying its severity effortlessly. Although his younger brothers were constantly question his every move, the leader's presence alone demanded respect. And April knew that in stressful situations, all three of them will immediately turn to Leo for guidance.

"April help Raph. Casey, floor it. We need to get back to the Lair NOW." Short and to the point. Mikey pulled the doors shut just as Casey sent them skidding down the road, flying around corners at extremely dangerous speeds. He was practically _begging_ someone to come arrest them.

' _Hopefully there aren't any cops around_ ' April though absentmindedly. Anything to distract her from... what used to be her best friend. Donnie was covered from head to toe in dark bruises, and the gash on his arm was easily on it's way to being severely infected. And was that... a bone?

"Oh my-" April shoved her knuckles in between her teeth as she struggled to keep the bile down. His pulse was weak and uneven, erotically leaping all over the place. You could see the tremors that traveled through his muscles, even in his unconscious state. What had happened to him?

It took April a few seconds to realize that Raph was staring at her expectantly. Like she was supposed to know what to do. She didn't though. Panic began creeping up her throat, shaking her to the core. She didn't know how to handle this! ANY of this. They didn't have any proper equipment or a proper doctor or-

"April?" She could hear the barely repressed fear in Raph's voice. He was trying to be tough, but the tremor in his voice spoke volumes. She grit her teeth and turned to the supplies, grabbing anything she thought might be useful. Pressing bandages to the giant wound on Donny's arm, she wondered if it need to be cauterized. It seemed to big to stitch, but was it? She glanced uneasily at Raph, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

"Um... do you need me to do something?" Raph was somehow managing to stand without falling over, even as they entered the sewers and the car bumped over railroad tracks.

Occasionally, Leo would glance up at them from the corner, where he was trying to calm a hyperventilating Mikey. Even he seemed to be relying on April. That was a mistake.

"Once we get back you need to get something heated up so we can cauterize the wound. ASAP." She told Raph. She had cleaned most of the minor open wounds and managed to slow the bleeding of the major cut.

"You sure?" Raph asked. The hesitation and fear was evident in his eyes.

"Yes." April lied, rolling her eyes to make it seem more believable. In all honesty she was completely making this up as she went, but Raph didn't need to know that. "I'm sure."

The van skidded to a stop in front of the Lair. Raph dashed off to heat something for Donny's arm. April watched as Leo whispered something to Mikey and stood up to join April.

"Should I bring him in?" Another choice. Another answer April didn't know how to give. Everything was spiraling out of her control, and she had no idea how to bring it back.

* * *

"Why me?" Raph mumbled under his breath as he struggled to heat the stupid metal stick with only one arm. Not that he wasn't happy to help, he was desperate to do _anything_ to help his little brother, but every time he moved his arm it sent waves of unbearable pain up his shoulder. ' _Nothing as bad as Donnie_ ' he reminded himself once again as he rushed to the infirmary, where Leo had just gotten Donnie onto the cot. He handed his homemade cauterizer to April, who nodded with a blank look on her face. That girl was hard to read sometimes.

Raph caught Leo staring worriedly at his injured arm. He glared back. They were supposed to be worrying about the guy that was half dead. But Leo seemed to... agree with him? That was new.

"Raph can you get Mikey?" Raph rushed off without a word.

Casey was with the youngest turtle, probably making things worse. Mikey was curled in a ball against the wall, clearly trying to ignore the teen.

"Get Master Splinter." Raph snapped at him, though if the ninja master hadn't heard them come in they might have more to worry about then just Donnie. Luckily enough for Raph, Casey didn't even protest. None of them had time for arguing.

"Come on Mike." Raph's voice was gentler than usual, despite the stress eating away at him mind. He placed his good arm on Mikey's shoulder, careful not to brush against any injuries. "Donnie will be okay I promise. Let's go get you cleaned up." Mikey obviously didn't want to.

So, with a sad sigh, Raph settled next to him, flinching at the pain it brought his arm. Mikey leaned his entire body against Raph's side, quiet sobs racking his small form. Wrapping his functional arm around his little brother's shell, he whispered comforting words for both of them. He knew they needed to get their wounds taken care of. But not now. They had more than physical injuries to recover from. All of them.

 **Thank you sooo much to everyone who has favorited, followed, or reviewed, it is appreciated more than you can imagine. :-)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here it is like I promised! I'd like to point out two things real fast.**

 **1) I do realize that there is no actual "infirmary" or whatever in the 2012 version of TMNT. For our purposes, Donnie's lab has an infirmary.**

 **2)I am not a doctor or anything, so I have limited medical knowledge. I'm trying my best. Feel free to correct me on anything.**

 **I'm sorry this is boring. The next one will be more interesting. Just, try to enjoy or something. Thank you to everyone who faved, followed, and reviewed!**

 **Disclaimer: I forgot to add this in the last chapter, but surprisingly enough I still don't own them.**

Leo watched as April rubbed her tired eyes. She was doing exceptionally well considering the circumstances, and in retrospect they really were lucky to have her. Due to her recently acquired medical knowledge, Donnie seemed pretty stable, but without any equipment they had no real way of knowing. He sighed, watching Donnie moan in his sleep as horror filled dreams haunted him even on a different plain.

"I did everything I could." April said, falling back onto a chair. She seemed so... uncertain.

"Thank you April. Really." April looked up into Leo's sincere blue eyes, filled with confidence and hope, everything she wished she could have. She looked back at the floor.

"No problem Leo." It came out as a tired mumble, but he understood. Leo always understood. They fell into silence watching the steady rise and fall of Donatello's chest.

"I'm gonna go get Raph," Leo said, breaking the spell that had fallen over the two of them. "I'm 99% sure he broke his arm back there." April watched Leo slide out the door, his skilled feet not even making a sound as they padded across the familiar stone floor. She wished she could do more. For Donnie, for Leo, for herself.

The swishing of a tail on the cement announced the presence of Master Splinter. He cast a worried look at his son before turning to April

"Thank you, Miss. O'Neil. For everything you have done to aid our family." Why did they keep thanking her? Any of them could have done just as much as she had. She didn't even help in the battle to save him. They had done that all on their own.

"It's really nothing Sensei. I would do anything for Donnie." She faked a smile. Master Splinter nodded solemnly before slowly approaching the bed-ridden turtle. He ran one furry paw gently over his vulnerable forehead, simply feeling the feverish green skin.

' _Comforting him_ ' April realized. And it seemed to be working. Donnie already looked more relaxed than before his father had entered the room. Splinter just smiled down at the sleeping turtle.

April was enchanted by the simple love he had for his son. Ever since her father had been turned into that mutant crazy bat and had tried to feed her rotten fish, their relationship had been... tense.

Deciding to leave the father and son to their family time, April crept out of the room after Leo. She closed the infirmary door gently behind her, careful to keep the noise to a minimum. Her fingers trailed across the smooth metal as she allowed them to linger a little longer than usual. Fears were racing through her head. How had everything changed so quickly?

Her feet dragged as she searched for her three friends. She had been through the entire Lair and hadn't found a trace of any of them. Casey had already headed to the infirmary with Splinter, and April was beginning to worry. Raph was hurt and Mikey... was barely coping. There was no way Leo could take care of the both of them by himself. Not now.

April glanced around again, trying to remember if she had missed anything. Just as she opened her mouth to call out to them, she heard something. It sounded like... Leo? She followed the sound, or at least the direction it had come from. It had stopped by now, but April knew she hadn't imagined it. Then she stopped. The Shell Raiser. How had she missed it?

Jogging back through the Lair, April made her way to the car. She gently opened the back, ready to send them out, but the sight in front of her froze her in her tracks. All three of them were curled against each other in a huddle. Leo had his younger brothers pulled up against his plastron, and Mikey had buried his face in Raphael's neck. Both Leo and Raph looked up the moment she entered. They looked exhausted, physically and emotionally.

April turned to leave, knowing that they needed this time for themselves, when a shout from the infirmary caused a spike of fear to tug at her heart. She dashed back to Donnie's side, trying to figure out what at gone wrong.

"He's not breathing!" Her breath caught in her throat at Casey's panicked exclamation. She grabbed his arm, desperately pressing two fingers to the inside of his wrist. Nothing.

"Casey he needs compressions!" He tripped over his own feet as he leapt to her side. They started a rough version on CPR, with Casey doing chest compressions and her trying to supply him with oxygen. She was vaguely aware of his brothers watching them from the doorway, fear radiating off them in waves.

It was mechanical. A pattern. Compressions. Breath. Check his pulse. It will work. It has to work.

"Come on Donnie..." Casey placed his hands back on Donnie's now re-opened and bloody plastron, ready to start a new round of compressions.

April looked up at her friends. Mikey was pulled tight against Leo's side, tears running freely down his face. And then it happened. Before Casey had a chance to move, Donnie gasped. Took in air all by himself. Everyone in the room seemed to collectively release the breath they hadn't realized they had been holding. It seemed so insignificant. Nobody on the surface would have known if Donnie was to die, right here, right now. Even if they did, odds were they wouldn't even care. But he had a family. And it would kill them if he died. Right in front of them. And they couldn't to anything to stop it, because it was completely out of their hands. They had NO IDEA what they were doing.

April felt a surge of anger towards the world. It wasn't fair! None of this was fair! They couldn't even take their dying brother to a hospital because of something they had no control over.

It wasn't fair.

 **The next chapter will not be so short. And it will be more interesting. As always, thank you for reading and please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: The TMNT belong to Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird I'm pretty sure. Not me though.**

Donnie moaned as he slowly came back to the world of the living. He struggled to piece together what was happening. His head was pounding, making the simple task seem like the most difficult thing in the world. He moaned again. It felt like he had been hit by a truck. A really big, painful truck.

Excited murmurs caught his attention. What time was it? Why was everyone in his room?

"-onnie? Donnie can you hear me?" Well duh.

He struggled to form a response. "L-Leo?" His voice was scratchy and hoarse.

"Donnie." It came out as a relieved sigh. "Casey, get him water."

"Casey Jones is on it!"

Leo rolled his eyes. "Just get the water." Casey glared at him but obediently slumped away, mumbling something Donnie couldn't catch through his ringing ears.

"Donnie, how are you feeling?" He turned his head toward April's warm voice, sending a skull splitting spike of pain through his already throbbing brain. Letting out a pained hiss, he grasped for his head with both his hands, which made his injured arm scream in protest.

It was like dominoes from there. His whole body was soon burning with overwhelming pain. He screamed in blind anguish, curling onto his side in a fetal position. Memories of the past couple days swirled through his overloaded brain. The garbage run, the Shredder, pain, _Hun_.

He stilled, eyes widening. Hun. Voices were washing over him, worried hands touching his body, telling him it would be okay. They didn't know. They _couldn't_ know. He had to keep them from finding out. That was his horrible, disgustingly dishonorable secret to keep.

"DONNIE!" They were shouting now, he realized numbly. Some part of him knew he should respond, let them know he was okay, but a different part, a stronger part, was keeping him rooted in place, trapped in his mind where no one could hurt him ever again. He felt someone gently petting his head, begging him to answer, but he couldn't. Everything hurt so much and he just wanted to sleep. He desperately needed an escape. From pain. From everything. He whimpered, curling away from the hands. Hands meant pain. He didn't want pain. Too much. Pain. Shredder. Hun.

"-y it's okay. Breath. Donnie you're safe. Calm down. Breath." The hands had withdrawn, taken the pain away. He struggled to breath, sucking in deep, painful lungfuls of air.

"-urts... pain... -redder. H-Hun." He gurgled. They needed to understand. The pain. He should have felt safe, in _his_ lab with _his_ machinery and _his_ brothers. But he didn't. He was never safe. His mind was going haywire, every brush of their hands, no matter how gentle, sent him reeling backwards.

"It's okay. You're safe." A cold glass touched his lips, and he was sitting up, sipping the water as fast as it would go down.

"Slow down," A firm voice scolded him. It took him longer than it should have to process it. April. He pulled back, choking on the water. She was gonna hate him when she found out. Not that she would before all of this. He swallowed dryly, forcing his sore throat to work. It hurt so bad. He forced himself to look up, straight into her eyes. They were full of beautiful support and warm comfort. He didn't deserve their love. He didn't deserve support or comfort or safety or happiness or any of it.

Donnie tore his gaze away, once again staring dejectedly at the table. He could feel his families' eyes, burning straight into his soul. Why wouldn't they leave him alone? He didn't deserve them, and he couldn't let them find out. And he was scared. He was scared of the pain and he was scared he would break down and tell them. And he couldn't let that happen.

"I- I'm fine." His eyes were still downcast, avoiding looking at any of them. Raph and Leo exchanged worried glances.

"You sure?" Donnie's eyes darted up, surprised at the gentle worry behind the usual gruff voice. Something was... off. He scanned Raph's muscular form, his fuzzy brain trying to figure out what was different. His eyes finally settled on his left arm, which was... white? A cast. He broke his arm. A surge of immense guilt ripped through his chest. Raph had broken his arm rescuing Donnie from the enemy's lair and he, the _medic_ , wasn't even there to help him set it. What if they hadn't used the right amount of disinfectants? What if one of others was hurt? Mikey? What if-

Raph shifted and Donnie realized he was staring. He hastily looked away, back at the table. "Yeah," he breathed, sadness dripping into his voice.

He didn't realize he was crying until he felt the tears dripping off his chin. He looked desperately up at his older brother, his eyes lost and pleading. Leo didn't hesitate before wrapping him in careful hug, pulling his little brother's trembling body into his strong, warm chest. Donnie leaned his head onto Leo's plastron, reveling in the love radiating from his best friend. They were quickly joined by the rest of the family, Raph and Mikey adding their own warmth and protection to the hug. His father's claw rested gently on Donnie's shell, simply letting him know they were there for him. All of them.

He knew this wouldn't last. It couldn't possibly last. Once- no IF they found out... he was a goner.

But for now he could simply enjoy the acceptance of his brothers and feel the gentle tug of sleep pulling him away, without the fear and pain that accompanied him for what felt like years. He never realized how much he had missed this. It had just been so long and- and he needed it so much. He was obviously under the influence of some kind of pain killer, but it didn't bother him like it used to. Nor did the uncomfortable feeling of Mikey's breath in his ear or the way the edge of Raph's shell seemed to scrape his skin raw. Now, it couldn't do anything but make him feel safe, show him nobody was going to hurt him anymore.

But it couldn't last.

 **Short, I know, but I will make the next one extra long to make up for it. You may have noticed I changed the summary because the old one made me cringe. I was going to change the title too but I didn't want to do it without giving you guys a heads up. If any of you have an idea for the title feel free to share I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you all for reading you are so amazing!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A huge thanks to everyone who has favorited, followed, and/or reviewed. It seriously means a lot to me.**

 **Disclaimer: It shouldn't surprise you to hear that I don't own them.**

Leo sighed as he listened to Donnie's breathing slowly even out. Raph and Mikey had fallen asleep fairly quickly due to their injuries, but Donnie had been struggling to sleep for far too long. The fear that this was all a dream was enough to keep even Leo awake, he couldn't imagine what it must feel like for Donnie.

Another regretful sigh escaped his lips. This was all his fault. He should have offered to go with him on the garbage run like a responsible older brother, or figured out something was wrong earlier, or found him quicker, or even figured out a way to rescue his brother without getting two others injured in the process. Donnie had to be scared out of his mind, and his oldest brother, his _leader_ , had done absolutely nothing to help.

Leo chewed on his cheek, watching Donnie shift slightly against his side. He didn't know what he was supposed to do to help. For one, he had no idea what Donnie had gone through while he was captured, what _The Shredder_ had put him through. Obviously it was bad, his thin body was covered in injuries. And there was no one here who knew how to fix it besides Donnie himself. They would figure it out though. Just like they always did. Because they had no choice. As Master Splinter always said, 'keep moving forward or die.'

* * *

Donnie jolted awake with a scream caught his throat, jostling his family in the process. Tears covered his face and left a sticky puddle on the arm he was laying on. Raph grumbled in his sleep, rolling over and continuing his unnaturally loud snoring. Mikey didn't even seem to notice the slight disturbance, his breathing pattern hadn't changed in the slightest. It was still just as heavy and thick as it always was, passing through his airways with hardly a sound. Leo however, was wide awake before Donnie had fully processed where he was.

"Donnie, hey you're okay. You're safe," Leo comforted, his hands rubbing comforting patterns against his sweaty arms and the back of his neck. "Nothing's going to happen to you I promise. We're all here. We'll protect you. I promise." The repetition helped soothe his mind, brushing away his fears like they never even existed. Like they were nothing. "I've got you little brother. You're safe." Donnie tried to slow his breathing, he really did, but he couldn't take in enough air. He couldn't. Wasn't possible. There wasn't enough oxygen. He was suffocating.

"Donnie! Donnie, calm down you're hyperventilating. You've gotta calm down for me Don. Deep breaths. Breath with me." Leo pressed the smaller turtle's hand against his own chest, allowing him to feel the rise and fall of his plastron. He began taking deeper, more exaggerated breaths, trying to make them easier to match. Donnie's scared eyes stared into his as he mimicked Leo's breathing. Every inch of him was in excruciating pain. His head, his chest, his plastron, his arm. Oh god his arm felt like it was on fire. His breathing speed up again. What had happened to his arm? It was swathed in bandages. White bandages. He hated white. It was the color of bones and bandages and pain and the purity he no longer had. He could vaguely hear Leo shouting at him and feel Mikey and Raph shaking him, trying to snap him out of his daze. There was so much pain.

"-LO! Listen to me! Focus on my voice. You're safe. Please just calm down we need you Donnie. Please." There were tears on Leo's face. Mikey was sobbing into his shoulder, repeating his name over and over in tearful gasps. And Raph just squeezed his shoulder, eyes wide with fear and worry. Guilt bubbled in Donnie's chest. He shouldn't have worried them. They were stressed enough as it was. Besides, he wasn't worth it.

Either way, he began to calm down. His heart rate slowed as he struggled to breath, just like Leo. Leo was smart. He knew how to breath.

Leo must have seen something in his eyes because he smiled gently and helped him lay back down without aggravating any of his wounds.

"We should get back to sleep. We'll have April check you in the morning. K?" Donny knew it want really a question, but he nodded anyway and allowed his brothers to curl around him until all four of them were as comfortable as they could get while crammed on a bed together.

"G'night Donnie."

"Love you bros."

"Yoku nemuru little brothers."

A small smile crept onto Donnie's face before quickly being washed away by worry and fear. His nightmare had been all too real and he knew that he would be asked about it later, which for him was almost worse than the nightmare itself. Because he couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them find out.

Line Break

Mikey dashed across the kitchen, ripping the pan off the stove before the eggs could get any worse.

"Leo! I told you to cook the eggs not light them on fire!"

Leo looked comically terrified. "Sorry! Sorry, I was... distracted." All of Mikey's initial anger immediately vanished. Leo might be horrible at cooking, but Mikey could understand. Today.

"Yeah, yeah I get it," Mikey sighed, looking down. "I got the rest bro, thanks for the help." Normally he would ask Raph for help, but it was difficult to cook with a broken arm, so Raph was currently in the infirmary with Donnie, keeping an eye on things. He had pulled a couple stitches with his panick attack last night, but nothing April couldn't fix fairly quickly. Regardless, they figured it would be best to have someone in there with him in case he had another nightmare or woke up and needed something.

Mikey quickly finished up in the kitchen, it was just a simple celebratory 'Donnie's back from his near death experience' breakfast after all, and joined his brothers in the infirmary. Casey and April had to go to school, an exam or something like that. You could tell they didn't want to leave Donnie while he was still recovering, but they had missed too much of their lives for them as it was. Master Splinter... was in his room. He had been doing that a lot lately, leaving them when they needed him most, "meditating" in his private quarters. Mikey knew he had to be grieving, he already lost his daughter and now his son... but still. They needed him and he wasn't there for them.

Mikey plastered a smile on his face, trying to lighten the gloomy mood that was surrounding them. "Hey bros! I brought breakfast!" He passed Leo and Raph their trays, careful not to spill any, and tried to ignore the way his normally cheerful voice wavered. Leo smiled sadly up at him. "So... um... how's he doin?" There was an awkward pause.

"Hasn't woken up."

Mikey's mood soured. They weren't even trying to be happy. "That's good! He's gonna need his beauty sleep!" It was true. Donnie definitely needed some rest. He had hardly slept at all last night because of his reoccurring nightmares, and his body desperately needed some time to heal.

"I guess," Raph grumbled. Mikey's brows creased and a frown appeared on his face, but he didn't say anything- opting instead to simply sit down with his food and eat in silence. Leo looked at him strangely, but didn't question his behavior. Nobody was really acting normal with the amount of sleep they were getting, not to mention the rising stress levels.

Each brother kept to themselves as they finished breakfast, lost in their own thoughts. Even when they had long since finished their food, they didn't bother speaking. What was there to say? Donnie wasn't getting much better, Raph was going to be complaining about his arm for weeks, and nobody knew how to make any of this better. It was mutual knowledge. There was nothing that needed to be spoken.

Finally Leo broke the silence with a small breath. "Thanks Mikey." They could barely hear it, even with sharpened ninja senses, but it was still there. Sad and weak, but there. Mikey forced yet another smile, something he seemed to be doing a lot lately.

"No problem Leo! Anytime!" Leo snorted. Mikey never voluntarily cooked. Ever. In fact, it took far too much work to get him to cook dinner. Just last week they even had to resort to threatening to let Leo do it. Mikey may be on the naive side, but he wasn't stupid enough to let Leo do the cooking. He wanted a place to live, after all.

"G-guys?" All three of their heads snapped up in synchronization. Donnie's half open eyes were staring up at them, foggily present.

"Donnie!" Mikey couldn't hold back the grin that spread across his face. "You're awake!" Donnie didn't say anything, just sighed and looked down at sheets. "Donnie?"

He seemed a bit more present now as he shifted slightly to see them better. He sighed. "Yeah Mikey?"

"Are- are you okay?" Nobody seemed to know what to say. Obviously he wasn't okay, but they all knew that wasn't what Mikey meant. Donnie only nodded in response, a quick jerk of his head that was meant to hold off any more questions.

Before Mikey could say anything else, Donnie curled away from them and pulled the blankets up higher around himself. He clearly wanted to be left alone.

"Don-" Mikey was cut off by a hand on his shoulder. Leo shook his head.

"He needs time Mike. Just leave him." Mikey shrugged off his brother's hand and glared at the ground. Time. Donnie had had enough time away from them. The hours upon hours they had spent searching for him, worrying about him, watching him die right before their eyes. He had time to be alone while they cried themselves to sleep, desperately wishing he was there with them.

Mikey wanted to say all of that to Leo, to shout it in his face, show him he was wrong, but something stopped him. Maybe it was the defeated look in his older brother's eyes, or the way Donnie's shell shook with silent sobs. Maybe it was a combination of empathetic understanding and exhaustion clouding his brain. But it didn't really matter right now. All that mattered was that Donnie was back with them. As far as Mikey was concerned, they had all the time in the world.

* * *

Donnie's fists relaxed in relief as he heard his younger brother's light footsteps trailing away from the infirmary. It's not that he didn't want Mikey around, he really did, but he was asking too many questions, getting too close, suffocating him. He closed his eyes tightly as he desperately tried to block out the memories of his capture. He hadn't been there all that long, it shouldn't be a big deal, but to him it had felt like an eternity. And it was a big deal. The pain was everywhere, even stronger than the suffocating fear, blinding him, pulling him down. And it was all because his so called "father" had to win over the girl, AND get four innocent turtles involved. He had trained them their entire lives to fight HIS battle. Now that Donnie was actually thinking about it, he couldn't remember why he didn't tell the Shredder everything in the first place. It's not like Splinter cared about him anyway. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

His brothers.

Leo.

Raph.

Mikey.

How had he forgotten? What was wrong with him? They were his life, his light, his inspiration. Without them he was nothing.

Right?

His mind was foggy, slowly processing even the simplest things, but he still felt like this should have been obvious.

Shouldn't it?

Jumbled thoughts bounced around in his head, not helping to soothe the pounding ache that was only getting worse with time. He slowly layed back onto the bed, pressing a hand to his forehead in a futile attempt at diminishing the pain. His teeth clenched and he grabbed the sheets as he moaned in quiet agony. Spots were appearing in his vision, flashing everywhere at the same time.

It was too much. He cried out, not even noticing the tears streaming down his face and soaking his pillow, or his brothers surrounding him with gentle pleas that were in no way helping. The spots and the light were getting more painful, more distracting, until he finally sank into merciful oblivion.

 **Yoku nemuru= Sleep well (according to google translate)**

 **Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Even if you didn't, please leave a review. Thank you again!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey! I'm not dead guys! Sorry for the wait. Please read the AN at the bottom for more information. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: Only someone creative could come up with the turtles guys.**

"Donnie?" Mikey hesitantly pushed open the infirmary door, glancing around uncertainly. "I...uh... I brought food." He tried to smile, but it ended up looking more like a sad grimace. Not that it mattered anyways. Donnie didn't even look up when he came in, just sat on the edge of his cot and stared blankly at the ground in front of him.

Mikey slowly inched forward, trying to ignore the bright bandages that still covered most of the genius's body. He was never going to get used to that.

Shifting slightly closer to the wall, just enough that no one could get behind him, Donnie stared blankly up at Mikey. It took him a second to process what was happening before he mumbled a thanks and returned to his original position; shoulders curled in miserably and his arms wrapped defensively around his body.

Mikey sighed and set the tray next to the cot. Nothing had changed. He reached out to touch Donnie's shoulder reassuringly. Big mistake. Donnie flinched away like he had been burned, and wide terrified eyes snapped up to meet Mikey's as he scrambled away in blind panic.

"Whoa sorry dude," Mikey chuckled nervously, biting his lower lip as he tried to look non-threatening. Donnie only stared. Shudders were running through his thin body, way more noticeable than they should've been. What had happened to him?

"Bro, what-" He paused mid sentence as a high pitched whimper leapt from his brother's throat. He swallowed and inched closer with his hands held carefully out to the side.

"I'm not gonna hurt you." He was confused and angry. Why would anyone _do_ this to another living creature? What did that _monster_ have to gain? And why was it taking Donnie so long to _get over it_?!

Donnie seemed to have sensed the anger rolling off him, because he curled up tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. A choked sob rippled through his bruised body. He looked so small. Mikey could remember just a couple days ago, before any of this had happened. His older brother, showing off his latest invention. It was super cool actually, he had attempted to downsize his heat sensing goggles so they could wear them as contacts. They had blown up, but that was almost as cool as the invention itself. Donnie had laughed along with them, brushing off the disappointment just like he always did.

It was hard to associate that turtle with the one trembling in front of him right now. It was incredible how quickly things changed. He could almost imagine this was all a dream and that he was about to wake up with Donnie beside him, complaining about his breath and spouting out some scientific evidence about how it shouldn't be possible for him to neglect his teeth for so long without any damage to the enamel.

"D, it's okay look at me." A knot was forming in his throat, making it difficult to speak. "It's okay I swear." He choked over his own words. "It's okay..."

Donnie didn't seem to hear him, he was lost in his own hell. Pain filled sobs racked his body. There was obviously no point in trying to get through to him, but maybe if he just tried _harder_... if he had just tried harder in the first place, none of this would've happened.

"Hey." He whispered. "Don, I- please." His chest tightened painfully as Donnie flinched away, tucking his body into a ball. Mikey sighed and leaned tiredly against the wall. It shouldn't be this difficult for him to spend time with his brother, but seeing him like this, was just so _hard_. He felt like a jerk, he hadn't been the one suffering at the hands of the Shredder for days. But it felt like watching helplessly from the sidelines was just as hard.

Donnie was starting to calm down, sucking in deep breaths. And it was like something in Mikey snapped and he no longer has any control over his actions.

"What the hell happened to you?!" He snarled. A part of him knew he was being unreasonable, none of this was Donnie's fault, but a bigger part of him was tired of it all. Of not knowing anything and everyone expecting him to just be _okay_ with it. He wanted- no he _needed_ answers. Now.

"You aren't the only one suffering you know! We spent that ENTIRE TIME searching for you! We had no idea what was happening to you man! And we deserve to know!" He was shouting by now, everyone had to have heard him. Donnie was halfway across the room by now, and blood was starting to soak through one of the bandages. But Mikey couldn't find it in him to care anymore. He took a couple of threatening steps towards the trembling form in front of him, but before he could actually get anywhere there were hands pulling him back. He snarled and tried to pull away to no avail. He heard Leo's voice behind him, more furious than he had ever heard him before, and he was pushed into someone else's arms. He couldn't tell what was happening. Red swarmed his vision. He briefly saw Leo kneeling gently in front of Donnie as he was dragged roughly into the hallway.

"What the fucking hell was that." Raph's voice had a dangerous undertone, and his words were short and clipped.

"He-"

"He WHAT Mikey. What could he have possible done that warranted... _that_." He obviously wasn't looking for an answer. "Are you seriously _so fucking stupid_ -"

"You don't get it Raph! He doesn't-"

"Save it Mike." They glared at each other coldly, with only a few inches in between them.

Finally Mikey couldn't take it anymore. "You know what Raph, fine." He snapped. He turned and stomped furiously away. But right as he reached the doorway to his room, he paused, hand clenched tightly on the doorknob.

"I thought you of all people would understand."

The door slammed shut behind him.

* * *

Leo found Raph pacing furiously back and forth in front of the sliding doors that lead to Master Splinter's room. He stopped the instant he noticed Leo approaching, his head snapping up to look at him.

"How is he?"

"Sleeping," Leo sighed. It had taken him nearly an hour to calm Donnie down enough to get him to even get back on the cot, and another half hour to soothe him to sleep.

"I'll probably check in on him in a couple minutes, but he should be good for now." Leo rubbed his eyes wearily. With Splinter hiding in his room all the time, the responsibility of running the family fell solely on his shoulders.

"What are you gonna say to Mikey." Raph was clearly still worked up about it.

"Depends. What did you say to him already."

Raph glared at him. "Nothing he didn't deserve."

Leo took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Exhaustion hung around him in a cloud, making itself evident in every line on his face. "Alright I'll... I'll talk to him."

Raph stared at him for a moment longer before huffing and turning away. Leo watched him walk away in silence.

"Raph... I'm really trying. I don't know what you want me to do." Raph glanced back at his older brother. The pain and confusion was evident in the tilt of his head and his furrowed brows.

Raph clenched his jaw and turned the corner; walking away from his family. Leo knew that it would pass, Raph always holed himself up in his room when things got to stressful for him, but that didn't stop the worry that clawed at his heart.

Everything was happening fast, too fast, yet nothing seemed to be getting any better.

* * *

"Donnie." Exasperated couldn't even begin to describe how Leo felt right now. It was like every time they took a step forward, they took two steps back. Donnie still wouldn't even let them touch him. They had quickly learned not to make any sudden movements around him and to always, _always_ , stay in his line of sight.

"Don, can you please just eat something?" Leo bit his bottom lip hopefully, even though he doubted the pleading would help anything.

It didn't.

"Leo..." Donnie looked up with broken, pleading eyes. He was sitting against the wall on the far side of his bed, pressed against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest. Leo plopped down next to him, ignoring the way he flinched and curled away.

"You're going to have to eat Donnie." Leo tilted his head and stubbornly pushed the plate closer to his little brother. He had tried to make it as appealing as possible, but evidently his efforts were in vain.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, basking in each other's presence. The smell of pizza drifted throughout the room, mingling with the natural metallic scent that clung to Donnie's light machinery.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Donnie glanced up from his knees. Leo hadn't even moved; his eyes were firmly locked on his clasped hands. There was no way he was telling his older brother about what had happened. Leo was never ever EVER going to find out. He couldn't even image the disappointment. He would be kicked off the team for sure.

Leo sighed quietly. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier. With Mikey." He worked his jaw for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "We just want to help."

Donnie swallowed. He wanted to be alone before he broke down in front of Leo. His idol. He wanted to be strong. He just-

Warm arms encircled him. Gently. Fear consumed him. His first instinct was to bolt and get as far away from the pain as possible, but just as quickly as it came, it was gone.

"Tell me if you need anything, yeah? And try to eat something. Please." Leo was already up and walking towards the doorway. He smiled gently at Donnie's shocked expression.

"I love you." He quietly slipped out to give his brother space. Donnie half wanted to call him back, to relax into his warmth and forget everything that had happened. But he couldn't. He stared down at his food. Leo had carefully laid it out so nothing was touching. The lump in his throat grew as he smiled down at it. He didn't deserve Leo's love. He was dirty and tainted. He was just a disgusting waste of space and he knew it.

A cry ripped its way out of his throat as he shoved the warm food away from him. He buried his face into his warm pillow, in his own room. Away from the bright lights in the infirmary and the sickening clean smell of bleach. He was surrounded by familiarity, and yet he had never felt more out of place. He was broken. Just like a puzzle piece that would never again fit where it had once belonged.

Ever.

 **So yeah. Sorry it took so long to update.** **I actually rewrote the first two chapters and am working on the third. They aren't that much better, but they are no longer absolute crap. You can go back and read them if you want. You may have also noticed Donnie's name is actually spelled right. I never actually thought about it until now, but I'm an idiot. I know someone who spells it with a y so that's how I always imagined it being spelled. I'm so sorry and I'm working on fixing the rest of the chapters. I'm going to try to update every Monday night from now on (my time). No promises but I'll try my best. Thank you for reading and please tell me what you thought!**


	11. Chapter 11

**IMPORTANT: First of all, sorry for the wait, as usual. Also, I redid chapters 3 and 4, and y'all can go look at them if you want. The only major difference is that I added an entire scene (almost a thousand words) to the end of chapter 3. It's a torture scene, and I would read it if I were you (cause Donnie!whump am I right?). Also there is slight mention of it in this chapter. Not too important, but it's there.**

 **Disclaimer: I own a 3x5 TMNT puzzle, an ice cube mold (TMNT), 3 TMNT shirts, some TMNT jewelry, and a few cups with Donnie's face on them. But sadly enough I don't own the TMNT. Or this plot bunny, which happens to belong to AJB66613.**

2 months later...

"Yeah boi!" Mikey shouted, leaping into the air excitedly as he entered the Lair. Leo and Raph followed not far behind, rolling their eyes at Mikey's innocent exuberance. Donnie trailed after them, feet dragging slightly and eyes never leaving the ground.

"Good job guys," Leo said, dipping his head slightly to show them that they were dismissed. Mikey disappeared in a flash, but they could still hear his excited chatter coming from the kitchen. Raph simply huffed and collapsed onto the couch, stretching himself out across the worn fabric as he pulled out a comic book. Donnie looked lost for a few seconds before wondering off towards his room, purposefully avoiding the lab. It had been out of use for awhile now, nobody had really been in it since Donnie was released- excluding the occasional searches for tools, which never lasted more than a couple minutes.

Leo stared after him thoughtfully. He really hadn't been with the Shredder for that long. Whatever had happened to him had to have been more than extreme to still be affecting him after months of gentle recovery.

Shrugging it off, Leo treaded through the lair in search of Splinter, not even sparing a glance at Raphael as he stared at him over the top of his comic. His body ached from the beating it had taken in their fight against some rouge foot ninjas, but it was nothing that couldn't wait until after he reported to his master.

His knees hit the soft floor of his father's room before he actually realized he was there. The only light came from the dim candles that flickered lifelessly from their holders on the nightstand. Wax dripped slowly down their sides, creating a beautiful effect that Leo wished he could enjoy.

But he couldn't.

When they got Donnie back he had assumed things would go back to normal. He wasn't naive enough to believe that Donnie would be perfectly okay, but he had hoped that it would only take a couple weeks for him to make a full recovery, a month or two at most. Especially considering their accelerated healing caused by the mutation. But in all honesty the genius only seemed to be getting worse.

 _"Donnie!"_

 _Brown eyes flicked up to meet his seconds before the sword connected with Donnie's vulnerable neck. He snapped out of his daze, bo up and spinning so quickly that Leo had almost missed it._

 _Almost._

"Leonardo." His master spoke in a quiet voice. There was a hidden command behind the word, an invitation to speak- an _order_ to speak.

"We were successful Master. In and out. We only had to take care of a few soldiers, but we cleaned up afterwards." He glanced up nervously. No matter how many times he did this, he would never be comfortable with it. "There wasn't any sign we had been there."

There was no reaction.

"Master?" He asked hesitantly. Splinter stared at him, emotionless.

"And Donatello?"

"He-"

 _"Yo Don! The container!"_

 _"Wha-" Donnie slammed his staff into a foot bot, eyes coming dazedly into focus. He ducked a flying shuriken before tossing it to Raph._

 _He wasn't ready._

 _It bounced off the railing and dropped towards the ground. Leo sheathed his swords and dove after it without a second thought._

"He spaced out a couple of times, but it was nothing big." _Nothing we couldn't handle._

"Very well." Short. Simple. Just like every other day. Leo sighed and dipped his head submissively as he slipped out the door. He could still hear Mikey pouting about something or other in the living area.

"Raaaaaaph I _called_ it."

"So?" Leo heard the flippant shrug in his voice. He knew it was leading up to the kind of fight he didn't want to deal with later, but after a moment of thought he opted to ignore the bickering. He instead turned and headed towards the second youngest's room.

 _"Fuck you"_

 _No one else had heard it, Donnie's harsh voice full of spite. The fury raging untamed in his eyes. And Leo watched the blade slide out of his brother's bo staff. A feral grin crept onto Donatello's hard features._

 _He fought without mercy._

"Don you in there?" No answer. Leo knew it was irrational, but he felt panic churning in his stomach. He knocked again- two, two, one. The same pattern they had been using since they were children. It was strange to think that it had never changed, when it seemed everything else had. The rules were changing every day. But some things would always stay consistent.

Two, two, one.

"Donnie, I'm coming in." He waited a few seconds before testing the doorknob. It was open.

"That's new." He mumbled. _Just like everything else._ Donnie used to always keep his door locked. Something about needing the quiet or something, though Leo suspected it had more to do with the time Mikey had burst in while he was fleeing from Raph and ruined three months of work. Donnie had been furious.

A small smile graced Leo's lips at the memory, but quickly faded away as he caught a glimpse of the room. Tools and spare parts were laying scattered across the floor and there were a few larger machines tipped onto their sides, sparks shooting from loose wires. Donnie sat curled against the headboard, guilty eyes staring blankly at the floor.

"How did I not hear that." Leo muttered. He tilted his head in thought, trying to decide if it would fit better Monday during training or Wednesday night. He was opening his mouth to ask his brother what he thought when he remembered why he was in his room in the first place. _Gosh you're turning into Mikey._

"Hey, Don?" He sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling sadly. "What happened?"

Donatello met his gaze, unshed tears gathering in his intelligent brown eyes. "I'll clean it up." He offered weakly. His voice wavered at the last word.

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Donnie's hands clenched the blankets tighter and his gaze dropped back down to the cluttered floor. "You don't- I'm fine."

Leo frowned but didn't say anything more. He reached forward hesitantly, his fingers brushing lightly against Donnie's shoulder.

 _Hello beautiful._

Donnie jerked away, breath hitching in fear.

"Sorry! Sorry," Leo gasped, yanking his hand back to his side. "Sorry."

"You're fine- it's fine, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay." Leo couldn't tell who Donnie was trying to convince. They sat in silence with only Donnie's quiet gasps of breath keeping them grounded.

Then, slowly, Donnie drifted closer and closer to Leo, until he was leaning tiredly against his older brother's side. Leo gently smiled down at him, feeling the warmth of the smaller turtle's body seeping into his abdomen. Ever since they had rescued Donnie he had been acting. Pretending he knew what he was doing and shining with false reassurance. But now that he was here, Donnie curled against his plastron, he had real hope. Hope that things could get better.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I meant to put 2 months later in the last chapter, not 3. Sorry my bad.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm not making any money off of this, just wasting my time. Plot bunny belongs to AJB66613.**

Mikey groaned in boredom as he watched his brothers spar. He shifted off of his respectively folded legs and flopped into a loose criss-cross position with one elbow resting against his knee, cheek pressed lazily against his fist.

Donnie rolled his eyes. "It's only been three minutes Mikey."

"That's three minutes too looooong." Donnie glared at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Quit complaining. You're going to distract them.

Mikey snorted. "Like there wouldn't be any distractions in real life. I'm helping them get some REAL practice in." His head shot up with sudden energy. "I just had a brilliant idea!"

"Don't even _think_ about it Mikey," Raph interceded, not even pausing in his quick paced movements. Mikey opened his mouth to respond, but Leo cut him off with an angry glare before he got a chance to make a sound.

"Whatever," he mumbled quietly, resting his head back on his closed fist. Donnie rolled his eyes again and shifted slightly further away. He didn't miss the concerned glance Leo sent his way before a lucky hit sent him flying into the wall.

"Ha!" Raph shouted, pumping his fist enthusiastically into the air. A smirk made its way onto his face, he couldn't remember the last time he'd beat Leo at- well at anything really. "Suck on that, Lame-o-nardo!"

"Finally!" Mikey moaned, rolling back onto his shell. Donnie stared unimpressed as the youngest turtle sprawled across the mat, falling asleep instantaneously. Drool drizzled out of the corner of his still open green lips and collected in a puddle beneath him.

Leo dusted himself off as he stood up, forcing a smile as he bowed to the "champion". "Omedetō Raphael," he straightened up stiffly and jogged over to kneel next to his brothers. Raph rolled his eyes but didn't hesitate to join the rest of them in the line, still grinning excitedly.

Their father swept open the door to his room only seconds later, gliding purposefully out until he was standing in front of them, his face a smooth mask of indifference. He glanced over the four of them quickly, opting to ignore Mikey's sleeping form. "Well done my sons. You are dismissed." Raph's excited demeanor fell into a disappointed frown as Splinter slammed the sliding door closed behind his retreating figure. He swallowed hard as he stood up, looking like a kicked puppy. Donnie understood immediately, he knew how rare it was to get a win against Leo, no matter how distracted he might've been.

"That was awesome Raph," he said quietly, grinning shyly up at him. The ecstatic smile lit up the hotheaded turtle's face as quickly as it had left.

"Thanks Don! Didja see Leo's face when I sucker punched 'im into the wall?!" He "lightly" nudged Mikey with his foot as they headed for the kitchen. "I bet he's seeing so many stars that he won't want to watch that lame space show for the rest of the week!"

Donnie's lips curled into a smile. Raph glanced over at him, smiling back as he continued to go over every second of the spar in extensive detail. His voice echoed warmly as they entered the kitchen, carrying a comforting familiarity. Leo trailed after them, dragging a half-asleep Mikey behind him and dropping him off on a wobbly chair. A grand total of 3 seconds later he perked up like he had just chugged a gallon of sugar.

"Leo's buying pizza!"

"What?! No way!"

"Uh yes way! You lost the spar."

"If I remember correctly, you lost the spar."

Mikey pretended to think about it. "Um... nope. It was you."

Donnie and Raph tuned them out as they continued their conversation about nothing and anything, and just for a moment, they forgot about everything that had happened. The fear and pain and panic from the past few weeks. For a brief shining moment, everything was perfect.

* * *

Raph couldn't help but smile as his little brother grinned up at him. Happily. It was the first real smile they'd gotten out of him since The Rescue (TM). The fact that Donnie was even _trying_ to cheer him up vastly outweighed the crushing disappointment of being brushed off by their father. Considering his newfound obsession with meditation he shouldn't have expected praise anyway.

They sat down together, with Donnie as far away from Mikey as he could possibly get. The kid looked hurt, but wisely kept his mouth shut. It was his own fault anyway, Donnie had every right to avoid him, just as he had been for the last few months. At first it had been complete avoidance, Donnie hadn't even _looked_ at him for weeks, but it gradually turned into wary caution. Mikey was easy to forgive, even though he still seemed angry at times.

"Shoot!" Leo hissed. Raph felt Donnie jump beside him. He turned slightly to see if he was okay, and by the time he turned back to see what got happened to Leo he was already gone, along with Mikey.

"What-" Raph started to ask in confusion.

"I will kill you Mikey!"

Donnie and Raph sat silently, listening to the shouting and occasional crashes that coursed through the Lair. A glob of peanut butter dropped onto the table, drawing their attention to the ceiling. It seemed as though the jar of peanut butter had actually _exploded_ when Leo touched it, spraying it _everywhere_.

"Mikey's cleaning that up." Raph stated. Donnie hummed in agreement for a second before they lapsed into silence. Concerningly, every time Raph glanced up he was met with foggy eyes and a blank complexion, but he didn't say anything.

Forty minutes later found a smug Mikey deep cleaning the kitchen and Leo glowering from the sidelines. As the winner, Raph had refused to order the pizza, which meant Donnie ended up doing it. Normally he would have to pick it up too, but seeing as none of them were comfortable with him going out alone yet Leo had ran out to get it, something he firmly believed Mikey should have been forced to do. Mikey insisted that he had to stay to clean the kitchen.

"Next time you get second Mikey, you're not gonna be very happy when YOU have to pick up the food."

Raph snorted. "Like that'll ever happen."

"Hey!"

Raph, deciding they should eat civilly for once, divided the pizza onto four plates and placed them carefully on the cold tabletop. He set Donnie's in front of him and sat down with his own food. "Those are yours," he said, nodding towards the two plates still sitting alone. Leo jerked his chin up in acknowledgement but made no move to join them. Rolling his eyes, Raph took a bite of his pizza and turned back towards Donnie.

"Is it okay if I finish later?" Mikey pleaded, staring longingly at his pizza.

"No."

"Someone's in a snappy mood." Mikey grinned mischievously.

"You exploded peanut butter. All. Over. Me."

"You don't have any proof. I say it's _your_ fault."

"Why would I want to blow up the peanut butter?!"

"How should I know?! You should be asking yourself that."

Raph would've been willing to listen to them continue, but Donnie was looking slightly pale and he was feeling extra protective for some reason. "Would you two stop bickering?! I can't even hear myself think!"

"I'm sorry to break it to you bro, but that's not cause of us."

"Mikey. If you don't shut up in .2 seconds I will not hesitate to rip your tongue out of your puny little mouth." Donnie winced.

"My puny little mouth?"

"Just finish cleaning up your mess."

" _Leo's_ mess." This time all three of them glared him down, until he relented and mumbled that he had to go get the cleaner before trudging out the doorway. Leo quietly joined them while he was gone, eating as quickly and cleanly as ever. He finished shortly after Raph and sat staring thoughtfully at his empty plate.

Donnie still hadn't even touched his food, unless you count poking it with a fork a couple times.

"Wow Don, we finished already and all you've done is draw a deformed square on your pizza"

"That's a portrait of you," he huffed. "And I'm not hungry." He didn't sound as confident in his answer as he seemed to have wanted to. Raph stared at him suspiciously.

"You of all people should know how important it is to eat after working out."

"I wouldn't call fighting you a workout." Leo commented. Raph didn't even bother to point out that he had won. He didn't have nearly enough energy for banter right now.

Silence lapsed over them for a moment, but Mikey returned before it could become awkward, groaning dramatically about how he had to do all the work around the Lair and nobody ever helped out.

"It's your mess!" Leo said, exasperated. His temper was shorter than usual for some reason; he was normally willing to let most of this stuff go.

"Dude Leo, chill. We all know Mikey probably does like three percent of the work in total." Raph said. As he tried to deflate the tension- a rare occurrence that they better not get used to- Mikey had actually gotten to work. The smell of cleaner permeated the damp air in seconds; bleach and Windex.

It didn't take long for everything to start going downhill.

Donnie was staring lifelessly at his food one second, and the next he was pale as a sheet and pressed against the corner, gasping for breath. Everyone froze at once. It was dead silent, aside from Donnie's nails scraping pitiful against the wall and his desperate attempts at breathing.

"Donnie," Mikey murmured, reaching out a hand slowly. There was no way of knowing what he planned to do with it before Raph growled warningly at him, stopping any further attempts at reassurance. From Mikey at least.

Raising a knowing eyebrow, Raph glanced at Leo. If he was trying to hide his worry- well he wasn't. Because he wasn't worried in the least. Duh.

Leo got the hint. He moved as fluidly as ever, acting without hesitation, gently and surely. He never had to think twice about what he was doing. As the oldest, comforting and protecting were second nature to him.

"Donnie. Donnie!" He spoke quietly but firmly, and waited patiently for Donnie to focus his entire attention on him before moving closer. "Don. I'm gonna touch you okay? But you're safe I promise." Donnie didn't acknowledge him in the slightest, but he didn't protest as Leo pulled him close and ran his hand across his shell.

"Donnie?" That was all it took for him to break down. He sobbed uncontrollably into Leo's chest, malnourished body shaking in the midst of the emotional overload. He hadn't been eating enough since the rescue. They should've pushed harder.

Raph noticed the tears running down his little brother's face, the terrified words he was trying to choke out, the fear and pain and anguish. He saw the raw skin and light scars through enhanced vision, as if looking through a glass.

"Donnie...? What happened?" They didn't expect an answer, but in all honesty, could it really hurt to ask?

"I- I didn't- The b- bleach! And the smell and- and I couldn't stop him I swear I t- I tried so hard! I didn't mean- for any of it- I just wanted to- I wanted to keep you safe..." he was gasping desperately through the tears, so fast that it was almost incomprehensible.

"The... bleach?" Leo asked.

Donnie stiffened, pressing his hands firmly against Leo's plastron.

"Donnie?" Mikey squeaked. Donatello took off like a bullet, slamming the door to his room strongly enough to shake the mugs in the cupboard and the dangling lights all the way in the living room. Leo stared after him as if he wanted to follow, but he didn't. The coward.

"That was... weird." Raph pointed out.

"You're telling me."

They already knew what had to happen next, Leo best of all. He sighed, pushing himself wearily to his feet.

"I'll go get him."

 **Sorry it takes so long, but please review it makes it easier to find inspiration! I love y'all thank you for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'd like to start with a HUGE thank you to one of the best writers I have ever encountered, Glazier Blue! She took the time to beta read this for me, and did more than amazing on it! I cannot thank you enough!**

 **Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own TMNT. And, once again, the plot bunny belongs to AJB66613, who is awesome btw.**

Leo hesitated in front of his brother's door, wondering if he was really doing the right thing. Donnie wanted to be left alone, that much was obvious, but would leaving him like that help him heal?

His knuckles sounded sharp and heavy as he knocked. _Two. Two. One._ "Don? I'm sorry about... whatever happened with the bleach." No response. "Look, can we please just talk about it? We didn't- Don we're trying so hard but we can't fix anything if we don't know how to help you." Still nothing. Leo ran his tongue over his teeth in annoyance and stared daggers at the door as though it was the sheet of metal's fault that this was happening.

"Donatello." His voice rang with gentle authority, carrying brotherly care while demanding respect. "Just- answer so I know you're okay and then I'll leave you alone." There was only silence for an uncomfortable stretch of almost a minute.

Leo was already opening his mouth to continue his pestering when the response finally came.

"M'fine." Donnie's voice was strained and wet from the crying, though admittedly not as bad as they had originally thought. But still.

"You don't sound fine." He stated.

"There's no hiding anything from you." Donnie muttered sarcastically. There was shuffling from inside, and then by some miracle the door cracked open just enough that Leo knew he was allowed in. He nudged the smooth metal aside and slipped inside. Light poured in behind him, casting a twisted, elongated shadow of his limbs across the messy floor. Donnie sat dejectedly on the bed, his eyes locked on something in the distance that only he could see. Upon laying eyes on his brother, Leo decided with heart breaking clarity that he looked, for lack of a better word... empty.

"Didn't even hear you sit back down." Leo commented offhandedly.

"Cool." Donnie replied in a monotone. The blue clad turtle flinched minutely at the short answer, dropping his gaze to stare guiltily at the ground. He could feel Donnie stared up at him calculatingly, measuring everything he did.

"I really am okay Leo." The big brother's head snapped up to look at him, taking in the exhaustion and fear engraved into his little brother's countenance. Another rumble of something stirred, because that wasn't how his smart brother talked. He would bottle things up something, yes Donnie was a pain in the shell for that. But once acknowledged, he wouldn't play it down, intentionally letting if fester. This wasn't how he worked, this _wasn't_ Donatello _. Like shell he was okay!_

"You're gonna have to tell me what happened to you sooner or later Donnie. We both know you won't get better without help."

Donnie's eyes hardened as soon as the words left his mouth. His fists clenched at his sides, tensing along with the rest of his body. Didn't Leo understand that some things could not be fixed! "I've been doing fine for this long."

"No you haven't. We've just been ignoring it." Leo plopped himself onto the bed and stared at his hands, watching his thumbs twist around each other nervously.

"Should I check your arm?"

Leo pretended not to notice when Donnie glanced up at him untrustingly. His eyes flickered nervously for a moment as his mind went to war with itself, but he finally dropped his head and shrugged indifferently, settling with a simple, "knock yourself out."

The blue turtle nodded sympathetic, moving to unwrap the bandage, careful to keep his fingers light and gentle against this brothers feverish skin. He didn't look up, despite his brother's gaze still piecing through him. Their breathing evened out until you couldn't tell one from the other. Splinter had drilled that technique into their heads since before they could walk.

 _There could be one or ten of you, but you should never let your enemy know the difference._

After years of practice, Leo suspected that wasn't the real reason they'd been forced to learn it. He could pick out Raphael's breath from 50 feet away, and he knew that any of his brother's could do the same for him. They were a team, he could feel the connection through the air and hear it in their soft footsteps.

But teams are supposed trust each other no matter what, and Leo couldn't help but wish Donnie would trust them a little more.

"Donnie you know I'd trust you with my life right."

"Yeah 'course." Donnie bit his lip nervously. "I trust you too..."

"Do you though? We're supposed to be a team, and teams don't keep secrets."

"Look Leo, I don't even remember most of it." Donnie snapped but not unkindly. Leo tilted his head encouragingly. "It's just... it all went by so fast. It felt like I wasn't even there- but I was! And there was absolutely NOTHING I could do about it." Tears were gathering in his hazel eyes. "I've never been so helpless in my life. And they-" he was cut out by a sudden onslaught of choking sobs. "They-" Leo's arms were moving before he could think about it, wrapping around the crying turtle, who in turn curled against his chest. "Leo I couldn't stop them... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" his breathing sped up until he was left gasping for air. His fingers tightened around the edges of his big brother's plastron, holding on like his life depended on it.

"Donnie breathe it's okay. There's nothing you could've done alright? It wasn't your fault. _None of this_ was your fault Donnie." _It was mine_ was only implied. Leo ran his fingers over Donnie's trembling arms and shell, pulling him as close as he could without cutting off his air supply.

All this time Leo had foolishly thought his little brother had been understandably upset after his treatment by the Shredder. But Donnie would work through it like he always did, by holding onto that incredibly rational mind set he was blessed with. Though he had being pushed to his limits, but survived through series of horrible events, ultimately growing and learning from them. But now the leader realised that he hadn't at all being prepared for the gut wrenching knots tightening in his stomach, fuelled only by the look of trauma transforming on Donnie's face... What was Donnie going to say that could be causing this much pain?

"Hun was _there_! He was part of the- it was his job to try… to break me... and I was tied down, I couldn't... and then he-" Donnie paused. The next word replace with something more like a squeak as his vocal chords squeezed closed and the air rushed out of his lungs, and he was suddenly left gasping for breath. His voice softened until Leo had to lean closer to hear him. "He raped me, Leo... He... _raped_ me... and I just laid there and took it because I'm _useless_ and I couldn't do anything to stop him." Donnie stopped himself there, feeling sick at the idea of going into detail.

Leo's eyes widened as a sickening shock froze him solid in disbelief. The eager anticipation that completely encompassed him a moment ago was all but gone. _This_ had honestly not been anywhere on the careful list of cruel things the Shredder could do, and that _was_ saying something.

Hun! That freakishly enormous man had forced himself on his little brother. Nausea saturated his chest as the words pounded behind his eyes like a mantra, and his normal balanced levels of calmness had been hijacked by repulsion... Yet he was unable to express it outwardly at the moment.

 _He was raped. He was raped. He was raped_

Suddenly Leo understood why Donnie had become so detached. The shock had dampened all emotional reactions because it had had too... The alternative of feeling this was so much worse. He hadn't noticed that Donnie had tensed up, suddenly quiet. It was as though Donnie was waiting for a negative response. The younger teen pulled away from him fearfully, trying to escape his embrace. He hurriedly released him and stared into his terrified eyes. This surprised the big brother as the realisation hit him... Donnie thought they were actually going to blame him? After everything they'd been through together, he thought they would be angry!?

"Donnie I... I'm... Donnie I am so sorry." He choked out.

Nothing more needed to be said. In a rush of deafening emotions, Donnie collapsed against him and within seconds was out cold, hands pressed delicately against Leo's chest.

 _Raped._

Leo couldn't even comprehend what that meant.. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that it was real and Donnie was hurting because of it. He couldn't help but wonder how far he'd gone, what exactly constituted that specific word. He wanted answers, but now that he had them he craved more. It was like Donnie finally opened the door for him, but it only led to a labyrinth of much darker and more sinister looking doors... A part of him wasn't sure if he wanted to open any of them at all.

With a quiet sigh, Leo carefully slid out from under his brother's warm weight and laid him gently on the bed, covering his vulnerable form with a blanket before turning to leave. His eyes lingered for a moment on Donnie's sleeping face. It was the most relaxed he had seen him in years, with his breath whistling through the gap in his teeth.

"G'night _otōto_ ," he breathed, running his fingers lightly along the frayed edges of the mattress. Tears gathered in his eyes as he slipped out the door, closing it softly behind him. The soul crushing and vile word still burning a hole in his mind like a flesh eating poison. Leo crushed his hands together almost painfully and watched his knuckles go a pale shade of green as the blood stopped flowing as easy to them... because he knew one way or another Hun's blood was going to be the penalty for this.

 _Raped._

* * *

Donnie could handle pain. He dealt with pain all the time. Anything from the constant searing headaches and migraines induced by the long periods of time at the computer screen... Or the bruises that Raphael couldn't seem to resist pounding into him. It could get as bad as broken bones and minor concussions, and Donnie could deal with just as easily as a stubbed toe. But this wasn't just pain. What Donnie was currently feeling was nothing short of pure agony.

 _"You'll regret that turtle."_

It'd always just been there and been gone the next day.

 _"Ahhg... so... perfect..."_

But he couldn't tell if this sort of pain would ever go away.

 _"Mm... you-you're so tight."_

Or if he was stuck with it for life. And it would be there forever and ever.

 _"Freak!"_

Staining him.

 _"Soo perfect..."_

Tainting him.

 _"So tight..."_

Twisting his mind around until he couldn't remember his own name.

 _"MINE."_

Donatello jerked awake, eyes misty and wide. More pain coursed through his body, never ceasing. His head was pounding so hard he could barely think straight. A moan escaped his lips as he pressed a hand to his forehead, kneading the skin as he tried to dampen it. Needless to say, it wasn't working.

Knowing he wasn't going back to sleep any time soon, the genius groggily glanced around to check if he was alone. Muffled talking reached his ears, but the ringing was overwhelming, preventing any chance of making out any words. To his surprise, no one was even in the room. He was rarely left alone- his brothers seemed to think they could "help" him by keeping him from having any time to himself. Donnie couldn't say he understood their logic.

Running a hand over his tired face, he squeezed his eyes shut in agitation. It had been months since he had returned from the Shredders Lair, but nothing was getting any better. The nightmares weren't going away, his brothers were still coddling him like he was two, and worst of all, he could still _feel_ Hun's hands on him, in places they should never have been, just like it had all happened yesterday.

He struggled to his feet, shuffling across the cold floor until he could hear what was happening outside the room. He could hear his brothers, arguing urgently in the kitchen. April and Casey were probably at school, and Master Splinter was most likely in his room... Just like he had been ever since Donnie had being rescued. The normally supporting father figure and role model in there lives had being about as present as a lingering ghost. _Because he doesn't love you._ A voice echoed through his mind, light and wispy, yet sickeningly dark. _He never has. And you know it_ _. Your mutation had just lumbered you all with him like a unplanned pregnancy._

Funny, Donnie had always been deemed the "smart one" of the four. Yet he was the one who had fallen right into the Shredder's trap. He couldn't tell what his brothers were talking about, but he could guess. He was almost certain it was about him. About how worthless he was. About how much they hated him. Maybe even about the best way to get rid of him. He had tainted their clan's spotless honour after all.

His eyes narrowed and his fists clenched involuntarily. Nothing made sense any more. Nothing was the way it should be. Everything was spinning, and he was forced to take a few staggering steps back as the world twisted around him. He swayed unsteadily on his feet, shaking his head to clear the spots in his vision. He didn't notice when he collapsed onto his makeshift bed which clattered against the wall on impact. His cluttered mind was oblivious to the oh-so-recognisable sound of his brothers running up the steps and bursting into his room loudly announcing there presence. But he did feel the reassuring hand brush across his arm. He flinched away, eyes squeezed shut. Why wouldn't they leave him alone? He already knew they hated him, there was no reason to keep up their stupid act... Better question. Why was everything in and out of focus?

"Donnie! -happened?! Donnie!" Their voices overlapped and merged, becoming one and ten at the same time. Like there wasn't already enough bad going around to fill up his really bad night... He just wanted it all to stop! Everything...Just...Stop!

Moaning in distress, Donnie rolled as far away from the inquisitive hands as he could without tumbling off the bed. Why wouldn't the pain just stop?! His eyes blearily opened, tears dripping out of the corners. There were strange green blobs all around him. They looked... so... familiar? Brothers. They were his brothers. Leo. Raph. Mikey. Brothers.

He let out a shuddering breath and curled himself up tighter. Everything was swimming like he was underwater. And it was so... so dark.

 _Mine._


End file.
